I Got Ticketed For This Once...

Here's the latest moron. Yeah, he's parked in front of my house, which is illegal, but he's also pointed the wrong way. Apparently this is also illegal in Columbus, which I discovered when I first moved to Clintonville (my previous house didn't have a no-stopping zone in front of it).

He's not even parked particularly well. He's pretty far from the curb and everything. At least he's not so close to my driveway that he's blocking access. Otherwise, he's none too smart.

So... egg him. Or maybe I'll use my new gift my wife got me... a container of glass chalk. Nice "no parking" signs on his windows oughta learn him.

Post-Blizzard Moron

Today's moron is special. As in special needs, or needs a special helmet.

As I was helping my wife and kids get in to the house after arriving home from work and daycare, I noticed a big gold pickup parking in front of my house. Keep in mind that Columbus has just been hit by a blizzard that left 20.4 inches of snow in about 36 hours. So the road in front of the house is pretty rutted with snow. This pickup had to work HARD to get into that illegal parking spot.

He was still there when Duncan and I took the dog out for a walk. He had to have backed and forthed a few times to get into the spot. Amazing... that much trouble to park illegally. The mind truly boggles.

Seriously. Look at those ruts! The only reason he wasn't parked on my tree lawn is that he'd have ended up at a 45-degree angle to the street and possibly have tipped over.

I'm surprised he's not still stuck out there.

Anyway, here's his license plate. Put more snow in the bed of his truck if you see it.

"Hmmm... Why is That Curb Paved?"

Every time I post to this blog, I'm amazed by the total lack of comprehension that people have about their actions. Case in point:


That's right. Right across my driveway.

Now, my wife and kids aren't home from work and daycare yet. And if this galoot is still there when they pull up, I'm going to have to go over to the market and find this idiot and have him move his car.

My wife is going to be tired when she gets home, she's had a hard few days at work. My son is three, he can walk inside by himself. My daughter is 3 months old - she'll need to be carried.

And what if there's an emergency, and they need to get into the house quickly for some reason?

I started this blog in a humorous vein, but this one really, really pisses me off. It's a total lack of respect for me, the neighborhood, and common decency.

Key this car. Please.


Update - 6:15 PM: Well, Jenn got home, and the car was still there.

I went across the street to the market and hollered the license plate number and the situation.

I called the police, who said they'd send the next available cruiser. I stood outside near the car for a while, waiting for the moron to show up.

I chatted with my wife and next door neighbor for a few minutes (Hi Erica!). Then we all went inside to wait for the police... and sometime there the moron must have shown up and driven away, so my attempts to have them towed were for naught.

Guess I'll need to buy some caltrops to make sure they don't get away next time.

Big Ugly Gas Guzzling Pickup

This monster was waiting for us when I was leaving for the hospital with Duncan to see Jenn and Moira on Saturday morning.

Notice that not only is it parked illegally, but poorly - its back wheel is up on the curb. Sigh... it's not enough that this person is driving a monster truck, they can't even handle it properly.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves - people who get bigger vehicles than they can handle. Usually it's more of an issue in parking lots, not in front of my house.

Anyway, here's the license plate on this car. Get out your eggs and decorate it.

Good Intentions, Poor Execution

Today's moron was pretty bad... to the point that he almost didn't leave us room to get out of our driveway. If Jenn had seen this, she probably would had me draw "no parking" signs on their windows with soap (yes, I've done this before).

Check out how close to our driveway he is.

And here's the funny part, if any part of this can really be called funny.

He actually has a "Share the Road" license plate. I don't know if he knew he was parking in front of the house of a cycling advocate, but I suppose he thought it might be okay. Sigh.
I suppose sharing the road in this case means that he wants to share even the spots where it's illegal to park.

SO I get to mess with one of the morons!!

I had forgotten a few items at home and really need them. So I drove home at lunch, to run in and out quickly. So to my amazement when I arrive at my driveway - there is a car parked in it!!!!!!!!!!! So at first I am livid, but that changes to a screw with your mind attitude! For those of you who know me - that never goes well for the recipient. So I pull into my driveway and park. I lock the doors and go inside to wait! Within 5 minutes there is a knock. A college age girl says t me " umm, you are parked behind us and blocking us."

My response " You are parked in my driveway. I'll be leaving shortly." And I shut the door. In the background Guinness (our dog) is barking up a storm - which I encourage.

A few minutes later a knock sounds, I let Guinness bark and lunge for the door (the screen door)the young lady is back with I guess her boyfriend. They step back about foot.

The guy says "You are parked behind us and we are really late."

I respond " You are parked in My driveway."

He says " I did not want to park in the street and risk my Mom's car getting hit..."

I answer " So instead your Mom's car is being towed. You parked in my driveway - one that is inconsiderate, two it's illegal (trespassing)."

" but we're really running late.."

"Should have thought of that before parking in My driveway, I'll be leaving in awhile. I have taken pictures of your vehicle's plates and VIN number, so if there is any damage I know who to contact." I shut the door and lock it.

I give Guinness a good pet and treats, collect my items, check AC and a few other things. I go out the back, like normal, and shut the mudroom door. They are standing by their car with hangdog expressions, the girl was crying!

"Next time think before you do something illegal and inconsiderate. Next time it may not be a mad pregnant woman answering the door. Then I left, after making sure they pulled out of the driveway and took off!!

New Poster On The Blog!

I've invited my wife Jennifer to join me on this blog so she can tell the great story of today's moron. She posts as WolfPack, whereas I go as "Jamie." Go figure.

You should enjoy this one...