"Hmmm... Why is That Curb Paved?"

Every time I post to this blog, I'm amazed by the total lack of comprehension that people have about their actions. Case in point:


That's right. Right across my driveway.

Now, my wife and kids aren't home from work and daycare yet. And if this galoot is still there when they pull up, I'm going to have to go over to the market and find this idiot and have him move his car.

My wife is going to be tired when she gets home, she's had a hard few days at work. My son is three, he can walk inside by himself. My daughter is 3 months old - she'll need to be carried.

And what if there's an emergency, and they need to get into the house quickly for some reason?

I started this blog in a humorous vein, but this one really, really pisses me off. It's a total lack of respect for me, the neighborhood, and common decency.

Key this car. Please.


Update - 6:15 PM: Well, Jenn got home, and the car was still there.

I went across the street to the market and hollered the license plate number and the situation.

I called the police, who said they'd send the next available cruiser. I stood outside near the car for a while, waiting for the moron to show up.

I chatted with my wife and next door neighbor for a few minutes (Hi Erica!). Then we all went inside to wait for the police... and sometime there the moron must have shown up and driven away, so my attempts to have them towed were for naught.

Guess I'll need to buy some caltrops to make sure they don't get away next time.

Big Ugly Gas Guzzling Pickup

This monster was waiting for us when I was leaving for the hospital with Duncan to see Jenn and Moira on Saturday morning.

Notice that not only is it parked illegally, but poorly - its back wheel is up on the curb. Sigh... it's not enough that this person is driving a monster truck, they can't even handle it properly.

This is one of my biggest pet peeves - people who get bigger vehicles than they can handle. Usually it's more of an issue in parking lots, not in front of my house.

Anyway, here's the license plate on this car. Get out your eggs and decorate it.

Good Intentions, Poor Execution

Today's moron was pretty bad... to the point that he almost didn't leave us room to get out of our driveway. If Jenn had seen this, she probably would had me draw "no parking" signs on their windows with soap (yes, I've done this before).

Check out how close to our driveway he is.

And here's the funny part, if any part of this can really be called funny.

He actually has a "Share the Road" license plate. I don't know if he knew he was parking in front of the house of a cycling advocate, but I suppose he thought it might be okay. Sigh.
I suppose sharing the road in this case means that he wants to share even the spots where it's illegal to park.

SO I get to mess with one of the morons!!

I had forgotten a few items at home and really need them. So I drove home at lunch, to run in and out quickly. So to my amazement when I arrive at my driveway - there is a car parked in it!!!!!!!!!!! So at first I am livid, but that changes to a screw with your mind attitude! For those of you who know me - that never goes well for the recipient. So I pull into my driveway and park. I lock the doors and go inside to wait! Within 5 minutes there is a knock. A college age girl says t me " umm, you are parked behind us and blocking us."

My response " You are parked in my driveway. I'll be leaving shortly." And I shut the door. In the background Guinness (our dog) is barking up a storm - which I encourage.

A few minutes later a knock sounds, I let Guinness bark and lunge for the door (the screen door)the young lady is back with I guess her boyfriend. They step back about foot.

The guy says "You are parked behind us and we are really late."

I respond " You are parked in My driveway."

He says " I did not want to park in the street and risk my Mom's car getting hit..."

I answer " So instead your Mom's car is being towed. You parked in my driveway - one that is inconsiderate, two it's illegal (trespassing)."

" but we're really running late.."

"Should have thought of that before parking in My driveway, I'll be leaving in awhile. I have taken pictures of your vehicle's plates and VIN number, so if there is any damage I know who to contact." I shut the door and lock it.

I give Guinness a good pet and treats, collect my items, check AC and a few other things. I go out the back, like normal, and shut the mudroom door. They are standing by their car with hangdog expressions, the girl was crying!

"Next time think before you do something illegal and inconsiderate. Next time it may not be a mad pregnant woman answering the door. Then I left, after making sure they pulled out of the driveway and took off!!

New Poster On The Blog!

I've invited my wife Jennifer to join me on this blog so she can tell the great story of today's moron. She posts as WolfPack, whereas I go as "Jamie." Go figure.

You should enjoy this one...

New Jerky Gets His... And I Didn't Even Do It. Really.

I got home from work today and my wife tells me to look out the window. New Jerky is in front of my house.... with a crumpled up hood. Hah! Someone hit him!

Later that night, New Jerky is in the driveway across the street, no longer willing to be subjected to the dangerous traffic that is the corner of Crestview and Calumet in Columbus.

I feel vindicated. And I didn't even do anything other than take a picture of his car.

Now, I can sit and await Moron #2.

New Jersey is Still There

No updates on this site for a while, but that's just because New Jerky (as my wife calls him) is still there. He's been there every morning since I posted last. So he's sort of ruining my plans to take these folks to task. But rest assured, I'm going to keep on this and let you know just who in this city can't properly read a sign.

The New Jersey Moron

So here's the first idiot we'll cover. This person has been parking in front of my house illegally for the better part of two weeks. And he parks poorly, too. This is actually one of his better parking jobs. Usually he's parked diagonally, anywhere from a foot to two feet away from the curb.

A few days ago I put a note on his car pointing out that a no-stopping zone is also a no-parking zone. That worked for a couple days... but now he's back. And his idiocy prompted this blog.

(That silver car is my wife pulling out of our driveway and probably thinking I'm a crotchedy old bastard.)

Here's his license plate number. Apparently he feels that because he supports the NJ State Police he can park anywhere. Please feel free to take appropriate action against this idiot. Especially if you're the Columbus police.

The Scene...

My wife and I own a house in Columbus. Clintonville, to be precise. And in front of my house is a no-stopping zone. It extends from the other side of my neighbors driveway to the left of my front door all the way to the stop sign at the corner of Calumet and Crestview.

For those of you not familiar with Clintonville streets, they are very narrow, and jam-packed with cars parked on either side. Usually only one car can get down at a time, so cars have to be patient and helpful to each other in getting clear when a spot is available on either side. At the end of the street, they try to keep one side of the street (the side my house is on) clear. This is so one car can be stopped at the stop sign there, and another car has room to turn off of Calumet. It's also so that the four houses near the end of the street that have driveways (including mine) can get into and out of them safely. To facilitate that, the city put up no-stopping signs.

This one is to the left of my house, if you're looking at the road. In the above picture, it's the one prominently in front. It clearly states that there is no stopping at any time, from the location of this sign all to the west.









This one is to the right of my house, just before the stop sign. Note the arrows on this "No Stopping Any Time" sign - they point both ways... that means no stopping anywhere along Crestview all the way back to the previous sign.

On the other side of Calumet, which is the cross street (the one the stop sign is in front of), is the Clintonville Community Market: a very popular locally-owned and operated organic food store.

Apparently, because the store is there, these signs mean absolutely nothing. Now I am not ranting at all about the market. Those who know me know that I absolutely love having that market there. My problem is with the mentally defective folks who think they can park wherever they want, even though that's clearly not the case.

I discuss laziness in my other blogs as well (Bangers and Mishmash and Bike Commuting in Columbus), so there's no need to go there right now.

So... you understand the situation now. On with the festival of morons.